Black Holes and Other Things

Confession: I don't really know anything about black holes.

I also don't know, however, where all my time has been going recently.  Black holes are as good a guess as any.  In any case, my blogging has slacked off, but don't worry.  The rest of everything else I should be doing has as well.

I have to run (Big Surprise), but I will post soon.

In the meantime...

Smile and Breathe xxx

We're In This Together

We are not alone.  You are not alone.  

The idea that life is not a solo journey, and that there are those around you willing to help isn't a novel one. The phrase is often dropped, perhaps too carelessly, as an example of a way to comfort someone who is hurting.  The idea is pushed into our faces, and reiterated so many thousands of times the words can almost lose their meaning.  It'll be okay, don't worry. You're not alone, I'm here for you.  It is hard to tell sometimes whether the words are truly meant to comfort, or are instead a subtle brush off; an attempt to de-escalate an uncomfortable situation.  

Despite all of that, however, I wish I could say those two sentences over and over again.  I wish everyone, in every corner of the world could hear them.  The phrase, when said directly, is and should be powerful.  It represents the human connection we all share whether we want this connection or not.  It represents that even in our loneliest, darkest hours there is someone out there.

Tonight I was reminded of how important it is to remember that we are all in this together.  We are all trying to bring meaning into lives that can be both brilliant and frightening.  We are all trying to reconcile  the world's good, with the world's bad, and the good and bad within ourselves. 

Tonight I talked to someone who, though friendly with, I do not talk to often.  In this particular friend, however, I came to realize I had strong ally.  Her thoughts were more similar to mine than I had ever known, and we shared certain facets of personality in common that had been previously undiscovered.  This served as a simple strong reminder that there are people out there who are on our team, even if it isn't consistently discussed.  Even if we don't know it, there are enough of these people that, no matter how lonely we feel, we are never alone.  We're in this together.

Smile and Breathe xxx

Happiness is...Coming Home (Whatever Shape it Takes)

The other day, my all time favorite blogger over at Eat Move Write talked about a topic that struck a chord with me.  She said that, no matter where she was, when she wanted comfort she would say "I want to go home".  This describes me perfectly.  I can remember times where I'd be sitting in my own bedroom, freaking out, and whispering "I want to go home" over and over again.  I didn't understand it, but something in my gut told me to say it.  Somehow I knew, despite being in the house I grew up in, at this moment I was not at home.

For the past two mornings, I have woken up with that aching in my chest.  That feeling that just screams "I want to be home, I want to be home.  Why can't I go home?". It can be painful, but I brushed it off. I sent short texts to my dad, keeping them upbeat, so he didn't realize I was hurting.  I didn't want him to know I was missing him, or feeling sad. I didn't want him to worry.    

Tonight, however, I had a blast with my friends here at school.  We talked, we laughed, we sang and we ate cake I'll feel guilty about eating in the morning.  At one point I stopped and told my friend "We're going to remember this, this will be one of those times that stick out."  I still feel that it will be.  Tonight will be one of those brief high points that are so blissfully happy that they remain clear for years and years.  

Tonight, my home was my room at university. Home was the friends I with. It was sitting cross legged on my carpet talking and talking.  Home was laughing, jumping, singing, and confiding.  I am going to sleep tonight knowing I have come home.  

Smile and Breathe xxx

I Freak Out

If I wrote a book, that would be the title.  I freak out so often, that I would even say I could consider it a skill. I can have a complete freak out meltdown, recover, and then go through my day.   No one would be the wiser (except maybe my cousin...he is an expert at dealing with it), and that is how I like it.  It takes a bit away from your credibility if you cannot go through the day without second guessing yourself, and falling apart.  I'm not saying this is a good thing.

The reason I freak out is probably, one part anxiety, one part neuroticism, one part emotional imbalance, and one part a tendency to be overdramatic.  It is a bad combination, and we do what we can to keep it in check.  Sometimes I can hold it off for awhile, but it generally is just better to get it over with and keep going.

If you haven't noticed, that is "My Thing": Moving forward, and keeping going.   Despite all my shortcomings, the amount I freak out, my up and down emotions...the only thing I push myself to do is move forward.  For me, this means keeping up (and doing well) with my schoolwork, and making sure I take the time to what I need or want to do.  Sometimes, in times of greater crisis, we move the requirements down to getting out of bed, showering, and completing the more basic things.  We try not to keep it there long, though. That may be moving forward, but ultimately I'm going to need a job, so schoolwork takes priority, despite it's current lack of direction.

I do not want to get stuck in a rut. I do not want to stop completely.  The longer you stop, the harder it is to pull yourself out. It's possible, don't get me wrong, but it's going to take that much more work and that much more determination.  I'm also not saying that if you're not doing the college thing you're going to get stuck in the rut--that is just my path.  As long as you're moving down your own path, you're fine.  As long as you're moving in the right direction, you'll get somewhere you'll be happy with.

Smile and Breathe xxx

Happiness is....Doing the Right Thing

Fact 1: People are complex and easily misunderstood.

Fact 2: It is important, despite Fact 1, that we continually try to understand those around as best we can.  

I have this friend, and he is a Good Guy.  He has proven this innumerable times, but I believe it is generally unnoticed.  I feel like people often get the wrong impression of him, but personally, I think some people aren't trying to get the right one.  To each their own, and it is their loss.  

A situation arose today where a choice needed to be made.  On my own, I would have made the wrong one.  It was this friend that pushed me into doing the right thing, and I am grateful for his influence. It is amazing how much happiness you can get from walking away from a situation knowing you did exactly what was needed.  

My point here is that it is important to look past everything on the surface that can cloud your judgment--whether about a person or a situation.  You can find inspiration to do the right thing in so many places, but you need to make sure you are willing to look. 

Be slow to judge, quick to appreciate, and give credit where credit is due (Good call, Matt).

Smile and Breathe xxx

Happiness is...Reading For Fun

I do read, technically speaking.  I read articles, and textbooks and recently I've been plowing my way through The Odyssey. I am again liberal in my word usage.  Most farmers do not plow for ten minutes than take a forty minute nap.  The truth is, I'm not sure Odysseus and I are on the same page.  He's a bit too Guns and Ammo while I'm a little too Us Weekly.  It's hard to meet in the middle, but we do what we can.

The catch here is that nearly all of the reading I do is for university, and very little, if any, is for my own personal pleasure.  Some people might say they get pleasure from reading for school, and that is absolutely fantastic. I do not, generally. As my favorite blogger over at Eat Move Write would say, sorry, I'm not sorry.  I take what I can, and move on.

Where I get real pleasure, and happiness, is reading for fun.  I love the choice to read what I want, when I want, and where I want.  I'm stubborn like that.  Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Smile and Breathe  xxx

PS:  I'm thinking of making "Happiness is..." posts a daily, or twice daily post.  I hope you like it!

But What I'm Really Saying Is...

Hey, there.  I'm Laura.

I'm an eighteen (nearly nineteen!) year old who has thus far managed to cobble together a decent amount of success despite a tendency to be a complete disaster.  I am using the word "success" liberally.  I have a high school diploma, and a little more than an 1/8 of a college education, but I don't know if I'd describe that as any measure of "success".   I don't really know what "success" is yet, but currently I'm playing with the idea of success in the form of waitressing. Stay tuned.  

The disaster part is not an exaggeration.  The world falls apart around me, and that isn't just simple melodrama.  The people who needed to fix my dorm room floor, I believe, would be more than happy to attest to the fact that my personal disaster intrudes into the physical world.  

I'm guessing that the fact that I am a neurotic overdramatic doesn't really help anything, though. 

This is who I am.   This is what I'm working with, for better or for worse.  Let's just hope it's for the better. 

Keep on Smiling, Keep on Breathing xxx